Once upon a time, there was a cat that lived in the wild. It was called Fat Albert. It was called Fat Albert because he was fat and his owner was called King Kong.
One day, Fat Albert was sleeping in some mud when, suddenly, a big colourful bird with a beak as sharp as a knife and wings as big as plane wings took him to a tree as tall as the sky. This tree was the biggest tree in the world.
All he could see were about one hundred birds the same, with bones and flesh in their nests and, at the top, there was a nest as big as, and, in that nest, there was a bird twice the size as Fat Albert.
The bird put Fat Albert in the nest then he heard a big noise. It was his owner and about ten thousand monkeys. They all climbed up the tree and killed all the birds. When they got to the top, they killed the big bird then Fat Albert pushed the big bird off the tree and they ended up living in it.
Your beginning clear states the characters in your story and how they fit together.
ReplyDeleteYou have described the big colourful bird that comes to meet Fat Albert, how you you use this skill to describe King Kong and Fat Albert?
There is a problem in your story and a solution.
How could you make your story longer? You could add extra information e.g. How did the owner get so many monkeys? Why was Fat Albert taken into the tree and why did Fat Albert and the monkeys want to live in a tree?